| DR. ESTHER |
Single? By choice, default, divorce, widowed - find out why you should feel good about that! Watch my video! 
I'm the psychologist who stays single - by choice - and is celebrating the single lifestyle. Maybe you've walked into a therapist's office trying to find out why you have intimacy issues, why you can't find the right guy, why your relationships end in disaster. Think there is something wrong with you? Think there is something wrong with men? Think that everyone you know thinks that there is something wrong with you? Well think again! I started looking into the single/married thing when I was in college. Because I graduated and was unmarried I didn't have a plan. I decided graduate school was a respectable thing to do. Education accounted for the next 5 years. My doctoral dissertation was a focused effort to understand my personal choice to remain single. The data confirmed that single women with low feminine identity conflict had the highest self-actualization. Unfortunately, single women, had the highest feminine identity conflict. The implication was clear - single women, resolve your feminine identity conflict and become more self-actualized. My next project that dealt with single women's issues had a sense of humor. I created dream manTM ©. I created men with personalities and I put them on shirts for contact comfort and fantasy. My friends wear them as escorts to parties and buy several for variety. My private practice is full of a population of bright, articulate, and productive men and women who are in various degrees of conflict and disappointment about not being in a relationship, being in a relationship, coming out of a relationship, or fantasizing about a relationship. Yet, I am sure that my chosen single lifestyle is viable - and I'm celebrating. So I wrote a book, "Single and Celebrating", to affirm the joy of the single life style. It appears that the media is fearful of supporting the idea that being single is a good thing. They are willing to say that large numbers of women are single and to suggest that these women have come to terms with their situation. Yet, "Sex in The City" ended with four women having four men (in the movie, it's three out of four). "Under The Tuscan Sky" ended with prince charming walking into her life. In the end, has the perception of single women really changed? I LOVE BEING SINGLE and I hope you can also. Nothing against marriage, but if I'm single I celebrate being single and if I'm in a relationship I celebrate being in a relationship - I am never in one state hoping to be in the other. I know you'll resist hearing that if you're single you're okay just the way you are, but you are, so stick with me, get a sense of humor, and get the courage to celebrate! I'm a lucky girl - with the computer and with a little help from my friends I'm going to spread the word, sell my book "Single and Celebrating", let you buy my dream manTM © and dream animal © shirts, and hope you'll start to think about being single in a different way. How should we go down this path? If I write a "How To" book, shoot me! I can't tell you how to live your life. I'm still working on my own life. But, like any good therapist I'm going to ask you to check your assumptions. Are they really what you believe? For example, do you assume that: There is a prince charming - the right one - so I'll wait. I'd rather be unhappy with someone than be alone. Being single is being alone. No one wants to hang out with a woman who is single. If I'm with a married couple, I'll be the third wheel. I'm not enough. I need a man. Sleeping with a man will be better than sleeping alone. Everyone thinks I'm a freak because I'm single. I should settle. I'm too picky. If I looked in a better place, I'd have a man. If I dressed differently, I'd have a man. If I acted in a certain way, I'd have a man. If I followed "the rules," I'd have a man. If I had better self esteem, I'd have a man. I say stop looking for anything but the best life you can have with what you have. YOU'RE OKAY, just the way you are. If you want something different from your life, try problem solving. Do not try to change yourself to fit a preconceived idea of what you should be in order to attain a preconceived idea of what you should have - which may not really be what you want in the first place.
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